How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
