hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
