I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
