Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
