He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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