Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
