I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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