I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
