I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
this boner is exhausting
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
