So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
