so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
