yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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