Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
