Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Rumble strips road head = magical
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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