My first STD was from a foam party
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
