he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
