Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
