he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
This baby is an asshole
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
