I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
