Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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