Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
