Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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