Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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