youre lurking in front of me
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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