my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
