i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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