I looked at my own cervix.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Even my vagina gasped.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
