Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
