Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
