I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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