HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm passing your future prison.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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