jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Randomize
