I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
