You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
