Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
