Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
