I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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