Define "chronic" masturbator.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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