Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
There's always time for handjobs
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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