I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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