This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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