im drinking this country out of the recession.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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