He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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