whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
