yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
