like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
