So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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