Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
