I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
