RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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