if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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